His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
