I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
