yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
In other news, I just burned my penis
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
