Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
