scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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