Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize