im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
