He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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