I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
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