Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Randomize
