I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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