I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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