Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i just wanna soil my oats bro
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
