I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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