Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
you traded sex for a burrito?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
