Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
