Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
