Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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