Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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