Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
You can't special order awesome
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
