Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
