drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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