Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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