OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
