I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
