they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
3pm strippers are depressing
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
A+ Viking dick
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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