Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I CAN MOONWALK!
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
