whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
