just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
