the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
