im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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