but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
