dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Found the puke drawer
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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