Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
