just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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