Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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