I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
