i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
