I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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