She said her name was "party"
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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