Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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