im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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