Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
