It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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