We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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