put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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