The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
