Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Randomize
