Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
