Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just had sex on a roof
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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