I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
