He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
