So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
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