what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
