3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
