Christians are straight up FREAKS
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
