He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
She needs sedatives and a leash
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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