They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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