Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
