i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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