Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
