to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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