im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
