I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
