just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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