apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
