when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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