There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
