the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
