well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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