Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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