our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
