There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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