I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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