I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
