I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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